I'm Going To Be Bitchy For A Moment.

You: What sense is there in bringing that up? Is it just to argue with me?
Really? Because I didn't react the same way you did? Nice. You know what you
sound like in my head? Her. Yeah, her. The chick that
speaks as if she's always in need of confronting someone so she brings up petty
and ridiculous arguments.
You: Leave me alone. Please. I think you're a nice
person.
You: As are you. Just...let me breathe.
You: And you. Same thing
^^^.
You: I can't even be angry with you. I have no reason to be. It's
just bitterness I'm feeling, I guess.
You: Ugh. Shut up. When will you stop
talking? MUST you have every one's attention 24/7??? Pllllleasseeeeeeee take a
slight breather.
You: So, I know it's none of my business but: stoppit, you
dumb ass. You look so ridiculous doing that; I hope you know it. You're a
disgrace to our gender. "Man-up", will you?
And these are just random
thoughts surging through my mind:
-God, you're so annoying. I don't care, I
don't care, I don't care.
-Stop commenting on every single thing I say or
write. Please.
-WHEN will you grow up?
-You annoy me because I have the
feeling that you have just one implanted image of me. Like, I can totally see
it. Don't. Fucking. Label. Me. You're just dismissing me then. Fuck that.
-You will never understand. Try and try as I might. You will never
understand a god damn thing I will ever say.
-What the FUCK is wrong with my
phone????!?
- You're a mother fucking asshole.
- Haha, I
am going to hell? Really now? See you down there, buddy: See. You. There.
-
You're conceited. You're a prick. You're a dumb ass. 'Nuff said.
- And
you...where do you get off making people feel like shit? Is it fun? Is it
exciting? Does someone have unresolved issues to solve?? It's okay. Start drugs.
Enjoy yourself. Die.
-----------------No, totally kidding.
Don't die. I'd cry...but. Get hurt. Not too bad, but bad enough.
Yeah. I'm
evil. I'm bad ass.

.
.
.
.
.
I've never been an angry person. I don't really understand why I'm so angry right now. I have no reason to be...despite the whole normal feelings of being under appreciated, underestimated, unsatisfied, and stalked by UNwanted people. Many UNs.

Perhaps I am bitchy and stuck up. The whole
shy and awkwardness thing might just be an excuse.

But, I mean, is it?
Maybe I am bitchy and stuck up BECAUSE I tend to by a shy, dependent and passive person. Very introverted. Which is not a great mixture. And maybe people underestimate me because of this----no, not maybe. Definitely.
Well, I believe the truth lies within perception. The thing is, I often wonder whose. Mine? Pfft. My perception barely exists. It hangs on rusty, old, and small hinges because it couldn't take on the weight of the many things that the world throws at you to understand. It's just...how I perceive things cannot go without being greatly influenced...by everything. Therefore, instead of going into one straight direction, one straight decision, I stand in the middle of the street [metaphorically, of course]; cars beeping, people yelling swear words at me. And I'm just there. Dazed. Confused. Not really afraid. Just wary.
"GET OUT OF THE WAY!"
"WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU, YOU FUCKING IDIOT?"
"GET OFF THE ROAD!"
And I pretty much stand there, like a deer in headlights.
This is what life is for me. I can't make the most simple decisions. I can't even focus on the problem at hand. My perception of things seems to be warped. How can I make simple decisions if I can't even apprehend what it is that I'm supposed to understand?
Meh. I think too much. That's the problem. I think too much about such abstract things that I often miss the most concrete. I look at the small puzzle pieces far too much to be able to see the big picture.
I shouldn't do such things.
Aren't I supposed to do things upon impulse at this age? Why must I always over think everything? Why?
Hence, my feeling unappreciated or underestimated. I think----I know I have much to offer to this vicious world of ours. I know because of the way I think, the way I talk, the way I act around certain people. I know I have some sort of understanding of my current life. I'm just not sure what to do with it.
.
.
.
And I'm over thinking things again. BLAHHH. Bottom line [and now seemingly RANDOM]:
I believe I will shoot myself in the head if my year ends and I feel under appreciated.